letters instead of treats to children she deems too large for candy. Happy Halloween!
Here's the letter I suggest kids hand her:
Dear Neighbor Lady,
You are probably wondering why I am giving you this note instead of dancing around joyfully showing you my costume and shouting Trick or Treat like I am at everyone else's house. After all, the tradition of Trick or Treating has been around a while and is one of the last remaining shared neighborhood traditions. You've clearly been waiting with anticipation for this day.
You may feel left out or shamed by this letter, but it is for your own good. Your unhealthy attitude about my body and my parents is, in my opinion, more than moderately out of line.
Tomorrow I will be back for the following documents:
Your medical degree, giving you the right to diagnose other people's health
Your dietician's license, for prescribing "unhealthy eating habits"
Evidence of a beating heart
I'll pass on the candy, though. You might want to keep some sweetness for yourself!